# Who to add first: your first five places

> Your heart has room for 49, but the first five matter most. Who to add first, how to invite them, and why there's no rush to fill the rest.

By Suhail (One of the people who make Philos) · Published 4 Sept 2026 · 3 min read
Section: Guides · Topics: Your people, Friendship
Source: https://getphilos.com/blog/who-to-add-first

## In short

- Start with the four or five people you'd call first with good news or bad. Everyone else can come later.
- Add people who are already on Philos, invite the rest with a note in your own words, or scan each other's code in person.
- You see each other's posts and Moments only once both of you have added each other. Philos never nudges anyone.

Picture moving house. You don't email the whole street to help carry the sofa. You call the four or five people who will turn up, bring snacks and stay to eat them.

Your first places on Philos work the same way. Your heart has room for 49, and it's tempting to fill it fast. Don't. Start with the people who'd turn up.

## The sofa test

Ask yourself one question: who would I call first, with good news or bad?

For most of us the answer is a short list. A partner, a parent, a sibling, one or two friends who've known us forever. Researchers who study friendship keep finding this same small inner circle: about five people we lean on most, inside a wider ring of close friends. We wrote about [where those numbers come from](https://getphilos.com/blog/dunbars-number-christmas-cards).

Those are your first five. Add them first, and Philos feels like home from the first day, because the first things you see are from the people you care about most.

![The Philos screen that reads Your heart has room for 49, with a green heart of empty places](https://getphilos.com/_image?href=https%3A%2F%2Fapi.getphilos.com%2Fv1%2Fcms%2Fimages%2F0d36ff8d75142fd0195356e6d14eb0a49ae9dfebde2dc51267238198408e67f4.webp&w=1080&h=2348&q=78&f=webp)

*Save each place for someone who'd save you one in theirs.*

## Add the people who are already here

1. In **Chats**, tap **+** and choose **Invite someone**.
2. Under **From your contacts**, anyone already on Philos shows **On Philos**. Tap **Add**.
3. You'll see **Added · waiting for them**. Once they add you back, you're in each other's space.

Philos checks coded versions of phone numbers to find who's here, never names, and doesn't keep them. Only the people you add are saved.

## Invite the people who aren't here yet

For someone who isn't on Philos yet, tap **Invite**. Their place is saved, and you send them a personal note. Philos starts you with this one:

> Hey! I'm moving the people I'm closest to somewhere private. No ads, no followers, just us. I'd love you to be there.

Change it to sound like you. "Mum, this is where the kids' photos will go from now on" lands better than any note we could write. Invites go out as a message from your phone, so they come from you, not from an app. Nobody is messaged automatically.

![The Send your invites screen in Philos, with a personal note to someone who isn't on Philos yet](https://getphilos.com/_image?href=https%3A%2F%2Fapi.getphilos.com%2Fv1%2Fcms%2Fimages%2Fb5f1a5f559fe68128b8317d3b00f39ce7b233981a5509a015396a1490801dbe1.webp&w=1080&h=2348&q=78&f=webp)

*Sent means it left your phone, not that they've seen it. Nothing is sent again by itself.*

## Together right now? Scan each other

If you're at the same table, it's quicker in person. In **Invite someone**, one of you taps **Show your code** and the other taps **Scan their code**. Nothing you share is seen until you've both added each other.

You can also send your link from **Share your link**. Anyone with it can find you on Philos, and a stranger who opens it sees only your name and photo.

## Then let it grow

After the first five, add the people you talk to every week or two. The rest of your places can wait for the friend you reconnect with next summer, or the cousin who finally gets an iPhone.

**Good to know**

- You see each other's posts and Moments only when you've both added each other.
- If someone doesn't add you back, nothing happens. Philos never nudges anyone.
- Places aren't forever. You can [make room](https://getphilos.com/blog/making-room-quietly) later, and nobody is told.

## Questions people ask

### Do I have to fill all 49 places?

No. Most people start with a handful. Your heart fills one place at a time, and the empty places wait until there's someone you want in them.

### Will people know I added them?

They'll find you in their Chats with the choice to add you back or choose Not now. Philos doesn't send them reminders, and nobody is told if they choose Not now.

### Can people find me by searching?

Only if they type your exact username, or have your link or code. Philos never suggests people you might know.

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© 2026 Philos. From the Philos blog: https://getphilos.com/blog/who-to-add-first