The moai: Okinawa's circles of friends for life

In the village of Ogimi, in the north of Okinawa, a local district head called Takashi Inafuku belongs to two groups of friends. One is the friends he went to school with. The other is the people he used to work with. Each group meets regularly.

That’s not unusual there. A researcher from the Okinawa Centenarian Study told National Geographic he knows one man in Ogimi who belongs to seven.

These groups are called moai, and they may be one of the best friendship habits in the world to borrow.

It began as a shared purse#

The moai didn’t start as a social club. It started as money.

The first written record comes from an Okinawan chronicle in 1733, which mentions moai set up to help struggling families. Members paid into a shared fund, and each took a turn drawing from it when they needed it. Before money was common, people pooled what they had: rice, sugar, goats, even tofu.

Over time, the money mattered less and the meeting mattered more. Today most moai are mainly social: a group of friends who meet, eat, talk and look out for each other, month after month.

A savings account of people#

The moai’s origin is the best way to understand it.

• Everyone pays in regularly. Not money now, but time: the monthly lunch, the walk, the evening of cards.
• The pool grows. Every meeting adds trust, history and in-jokes.
• Anyone can draw on it. When someone’s ill, widowed or out of work, the group already knows, and already shows up.

You can’t open that account on the day you need it. It only works because people paid in when nothing was wrong.

Friends since primary school#

The most striking moai are the oldest. The same National Geographic report describes women in their eighties who had belonged to the same moai since primary school. Dan Buettner’s Blue Zones project, which made the moai famous outside Japan, says some have lasted more than 90 years.

Okinawa is known for long lives, and the moai is often given part of the credit. We can’t prove that from the outside, and many things shape a long life. But the wider research is clear on one thing: people with strong social relationships are more likely to live longer. A major review of 148 studies found a 50% greater likelihood of survival.

Europe has moai too#

You don’t have to go to Okinawa to find one. Europe has its own versions, even if we rarely call them anything.

• The German Stammtisch, the regulars’ table at the local pub, kept for the same group on the same night every week.
• The Spanish tertulia, a regular gathering of friends to talk, often in the same café.
• The Sunday lunch that never moves, the five-a-side game every Thursday, the book group that stopped reading years ago but still meets.

What they share with the moai is the important part: the same people, on a date that repeats, kept even when it’s inconvenient.

How to start yours#

1. Choose four or five people. Small enough that everyone talks, and that one absence is noticed.
2. Pick a date that repeats. The first Sunday of the month. Every other Thursday. Make it automatic, so nobody has to organise it each time.
3. Keep it simple. A walk, a meal, a coffee. The point is turning up, not the plan.
4. Show up when it’s hard. That’s when the account gets paid in most.

On Philos, a moai can live in two places. A group chat for the group itself, where you can plan the next meeting with a poll. And a Circle, a private list only you can see, so you can share photos from the day with just those people.

Who would be in yours? Message them tonight, and put the first date in the calendar.

Questions people ask

What is a moai in Okinawa?

A small group of people who meet regularly, often for decades. It began as a mutual-aid fund that members paid into and took turns drawing from, and today most moai are mainly social.

How do I start a moai with my friends?

Pick four or five people, choose a regular date, such as the first Sunday of the month, and keep it even when it's inconvenient. The repetition is what makes it work.